The Question of Lying in Your Relationship
Author: Cucan Pemo
While you know that your mother always told you that it was a bad thing to lie, it seems that more and more people are doing it. From your friends to your local political leaders, it seems that everyone is trying to stretch the truth in order to make them either look better or to protect someone from harm. But does lying really achieve that? Can you better your relationship through lying?
What a lie is
One of the reasons that lying is so ambiguous in its application is because we tend to make its meaning vague. In the simplest manner, lying is not telling the truth. However, does that mean that you can't stretch the truth a little? Does that mean that you can't lie a little? Is it really all or nothing? Some people believe that lying is avoiding telling the truth as opposed to actually not telling it. Hence lying by omission has become a hot topic of discussion. If a person doesn't tell someone something, are they lying or are they just avoiding telling the truth?
Creating your definition
The truth about lying is that everyone has their own way of looking at it. When you're in a serious relationship, it will help to figure out what you and your partner feel about lying and how you should see it in your everyday conversations. Will you have a no tolerance approach to lying or will you be okay with little lies? Talk to your partner about any lies that you have told them and see what their reaction is. You need to see just where they start to feel comfortable with dishonesty.
The question of honesty
What you may find in your discussion about lying is that one lie can actually lead to another lie and another and another. In these cases, it can seem like there are more lies than truths. And in that case, a relationship that uses little lies over and over again might not be as truthful as it seems. When you're caught in one lie, you can start to seem as though you can not be trusted to tell the truth. In a relationship, this can be the beginning of the end.
The trust that you have
In your romantic and personal relationships, you need to have a sense of trust in each other. You want to trust that the other person will be there for you and that they will tell you the truth. This is where the argument for lying becomes straightforward - lying begets distrust. A relationship that allows even a little lying can start to crumble once it is revealed. While it might not seem like a big deal, the idea that one would lie about something little can make a partner wonder if they would not feel bad about lying about something bigger.
It's a snowball effect of questioning and unease that develop in a relationship. Are there going to be times that you lie? Of course, but the idea is that the general rule should be that the practice should be avoided at all costs.
Building your honesty
While it may be uncomfortable, the easiest thing to do when you want to build trust in your relationship is to start by unraveling any lies that you might currently be caught up in. This means that you will start by telling your partner what you may have been holding back and then working on being more truthful in the future.
You will want to try to stop yourself whenever you realize that you're about to say something that's not truthful. Try to find other ways to respond to certain situations in order to not lie. For example, if you are asked your opinion, you can always say that you're rather not say than lie about what you think.
Never lie again?
Be truthful - you will lie again. We're human and it's just something that you can become mindless about. But what you can do is learn how to be more truthful in your everyday interactions with others. Try to understand what motivates you to lie - are you trying to impress someone? Trying to hide something?
When you start to understand the 'why' behind your lying, you will find that addressing this 'why' will be the end of your lying ways. Honestly.
About the author: Cucan Pemo
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