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Playing the Sporting Game

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Author: Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

SOFTBALL, SOCCER, BASKETBALL, horseback riding, swimming, hockey, or volleyball—the sport doesn't matter. The guidelines for parents remain the same. To show support for your child while encouraging and teaching, consider the following:

1. Find out who will be coaching your child. Has the league run background checks on the coaches? Sadly, in these times the person you least expect could be a predator. Trust, but verify. Is the coach an encourager or a screamer? Does he or she focus primarily on winning or on participation and teamwork? Does he let everyone play at least half the game? Does she allow team members to play different positions or are children pigeonholed into one position for the entire season?

2. Make sure your child is competing at his or her level of ability. Is she overmounted, riding a horse too hot to handle? Is a travel team over his head, or appropriately challenging? Are all of your child's teammates bigger, stronger, and more skilled? It's no fun for children to compete when their chances of success are slim. Instead of pressuring them to ride the newest horse or join the travel team, encourage them to find enjoyment on a level where they can succeed.

3. Learn the rules of the game. Youth rules are not always the same as professional rules. More knowledge equates to less frustration and less yelling at officials, players, and coaches.

4. Remember that winning is only one of the goals of competition. Keep it in perspective. Winning is important. Everyone likes to win. Yet, playing to one's ability, making a strong effort, exhibiting good sportsmanship, improving skills, playing within the rules, and learning to lose with grace are just as valuable as winning. The lessons your child has the opportunity to learn when he or she doesn't win may be more valuable than winning that particular game.

5. Respect the other participants. This includes coaches, officials, and other team members. Cheer for members of the other team when they make a good play. Applaud the winning swimmer. Praise other athletes in front of their parents.

6. Hang onto your temper. Model restraint for your young athlete. Yes, get excited, but channel that excitement into encouragement and applause. Staying home is an option to consider if you lose control and occasionally berate officials or disrespect other spectators.

7. Refrain from yelling from the sidelines or stands. Players are too busy to process and integrate all the advice that people yell at them from the sidelines, even if it's sound and might be helpful. Often they don't even hear you. Check it out. Go out on the field and have a parent yell at you. See how easy it is to follow their instructions. That experience will cure you of yelling advice from the sidelines.

8. Get involved. Volunteer. The coach is giving up a lot of time and energy to coach your child. Help out by organizing postgame treats and carpools and helping out with fundraising. Lend a hand at practice if you feel qualified and the coach approves.

9. Praise your child for his or her efforts. Stay away from evaluative praise like "good job," "excellent play," and "tremendous pass." Instead, give important feedback using descriptive or appreciative praise. Descriptive praise describes what was accomplished. "You threaded that pass right between the two defenders," "Your decision to take the extra base ended up with an important run being scored," and "Looked like you maintained your concentration after your horse changed leads on you" are all examples of praise that describes. Appreciative praise tells the effect the child's behavior had on the team. "Your pass set him up with the perfect opportunity to score" and "The way you were encouraging teammates got everyone excited" are examples of appreciative praise. Descriptive and appreciative praise will leave room for your child to make the evaluation.

10. Resist the urge to critique your child. Improvement is more likely in an atmosphere of positive encouragement. Often with positive intentions, parents inform children of their errors and how they can improve. This feedback is generally unnecessary, as children are usually aware of their errors. They don't need parents making a verbal list of mistakes for them correct. They need you to be there and to allow them to play and have fun.

11. Compliment the officials. Most officials are volunteers or older children working for minimal compensation. They're learning, too. Even if you think an official made a bad call during the game, you can comment on his hard work. Say something positive to the officials, and let your child overhear you.

12. Cheer for other children. Focusing solely on your child sends the message that you don't care about the team or the event. It tells others that you're only there for your child. Compliment players as they are substituted in and out of the game. Applaud their accomplishments.

About the author

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit or Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today.

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