Adultery: Should It Be Just A Click Away?
Author: Lucille Uttermohlen
An article I read, said that there is a rise in the number of women who go to "dating while married" sites after major holidays. Valentines Day and Mother's Day are likely to inspire women to sign up at these places. At these times, women feel justified in seeking extra-marital comfort because their husbands don't make them feel important and appreciated on these special days.
The reason for this trend, according to the article, is that women are most likely to be disappointed in the celebration of these holidays. Their husbands don't make an effort to make these days special. As a result, the women spend part of the next day looking for the greener grass they hope will be on the other side of the fence.
I'm not surprised at the disappointment women feel after these holidays. A lot of men don't know what is wanted from them, and their wives feel that the romance of a gesture is destroyed if they have to ask for it. There has always been a call for men and women who don't mind having a lover who is legally unavailable. It seems that the Internet has pandered to this odd niche market by providing dating sites for those who have already taken wedding vows.
For men who want to make these holidays special for their wives, flowers, or dinners out are usually welcome. Gifts are nice, too. However, the main reason these women are discouraged is that they feel unappreciated. It is that gnawing suspicion that their husbands don't even see them, let alone want to foster closeness. In short, they feel like they are alone in the marriage, and so they are justified in finding comfort elsewhere.
Wives, too, should be sensitive to the love and assurance they can give their husbands on special occasions. Valentines Day is a good opportunity for romantic gestures from both spouses. Father's Day is a time when he might enjoy knowing that he is recognized as more than a fixture in the living room. His birthday, too is an opportunity to connect and remind him that he is an important member of the family.
It is not easy to keep up a constant stream of novelty and excitement in any relationship. People do get used to each other, and lose track of the spark that started things between them. However, even when the fire isn't blazing, its glow can keep you warm if it is nurtured with fuel and attention. Spending money isn't what is important here. Time and care are usually what are needed.
Married couples tend to put their relationship at the bottom of their "to do" lists. As a result, all they have left for each other is whatever time and energy they haven't spent on work, kids, hobbies and outside activities. They don't give themselves time to just be with each other. Maybe it is not as satisfying to simply gaze into each other's eyes as it used to be, but it might be pleasant just to exchange information and just shoot the breeze together.
An extra marital fling is no way to work on a troubled marriage. Even the spouse you no longer love deserves your honesty, and the clean break necessary to help him start over again. However, humans are programmed to seek comfort and assurance, and where they get it isn't always the best choice.
A dating site that caters to married people fills a niche in the market place, just as porn or other socially questionable offerings do. Whether they are providing a good service is debatable. It seems sneaky to me to go on line for love, rather than trying to solve your problems at home. But, it isn't any worse than having an affair with someone you met in the bar down the street.
Copyright (c) 2010 Lucille Uttermohlen
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